ORBITAL WHISPERS
TL;DR
A satirical take paints the EU’s IRIS² secure-connectivity project as a four-year bureaucratic circus that only now turns to ESA for rescue.
Eight specialist roles at ESTEC are opening to retrofit technical sanity onto a programme mockingly compared to MySpace, with hardware, payloads, ground stations and validation all still undefined as mid-September deadlines loom.
Europe’s Space Fantasy League
Brussels is at it again, this time launching satellites with the same strategic foresight it used for banning plastic straws and regulating the diameter of banana curves. Welcome to IRIS²: the EU’s flagship exercise in how to spend millions proving you might one day do something, then chasing off every competent partner who might help.
Thankfully, ESA, that rare bastion of engineering sanity, has walked in like the last sober adult at a glitter-drenched rave. They’re setting up shop in ESTEC, roping in actual experts to fix what amounts to four years of bureaucratic scribbling on the back of a napkin.
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