OW18: Satellites, Starlink, and Sarcasm

Let’s dig into the least boring bits of Week 18 like a geologist at a moon rock convention, starting with the most popcorn-worthy segments in the cosmic drama that is the satellite industry. Strap in, this isn’t your average orbital PR release recap.

Amazon Kuiper Finally Does Something Orbital

Jeff’s birds are loose, and someone’s gonna get hurt.

After years of power-pointing, promise-making, and gazing longingly at Elon’s rocket trails, Amazon has finally launched 27 Kuiper satellites. Yes, actual, functioning metal in space. Not just renders. Not just patents. Not just YouTube explainers with slow synth music. Actual payloads in low Earth orbit.

While Kuiper isn’t exactly starting a rave in orbit just yet, 3,000 satellites is the target and we’re at 27, this week’s launch finally let Amazon move out of the “space-adjacent” club and into “Oh look, we launched something” territory. The retail empire now joins the great bandwidth space race, hoping to beam Prime Video to the ends of the Earth and maybe, just maybe, figure out how to profit from it eventually.

Of course, it’s a Bezos-backed effort, so it’s got the subtle undertone of “Look, we can do infrastructure that isn’t a warehouse sweatbox.” Rumors swirl that AWS wants a private fast lane in orbit, while Kuiper’s true business model remains locked in a safe somewhere between Seattle and orbit.

Also: Blue Origin didn’t provide the launch vehicle. Awkward. Maybe next decade, Jeff?

Royal Navy Gets Starlink’d

Nothing says national security like streaming Peaky Blinders from the Pacific.

Yes, the British Royal Navy has decided that the future of maritime military comms may just come from the same guy who renamed Twitter “X.” HMS Prince of Wales will be piloting Starlink while floating in contested Indo-Pacific waters. Because clearly, what that vessel was missing was 4K streaming and latency-free Discord.

It’s a legitimate maritime use case… surrounded by the not-so-small issue that you’re letting a privately owned, occasionally erratic billionaire’s satellite system handle comms for your military. What could go wrong? Maybe the next war game will come with a retweet button.

The Ministry of Defence insists it’s just a “trial,” but you know how trials go, first it’s one antenna, then it’s a full Starlink array and a standing order for Elon’s next software update. “Patch notes: Improved maritime targeting latency. Dogecoin wallet integration.”

Still, from a technical perspective, it’s a brilliant move. Low latency, real-time updates, and the possibility of sailors actually calling home without radioing their location to the whole North Atlantic.

FCC Rubs Sleep Out of Eyes, Notices Ka-Band Exists

“Wait, we still have satellites?”

If the FCC’s history of spectrum management were a Netflix series, it’d be the kind of show you leave running in the background while folding laundry. But this week, something miraculous occurred, they initiated a review of power limits in Ka- and Ku-band spectrum for satellite systems.

Translation: They realized the rules written during the Friends era don’t quite work in the Starlink-Amazon-LEOpocalypse timeline.

This regulatory warm-up could be a huge deal… eventually. For now, it’s just the FCC nodding in the direction of change and hinting they may allow satellites to talk louder, faster, and to more devices. Like Gandalf returning to Minas Tirith with a scroll of modernized decibel limits.

But let’s be honest: unless you’re in regulatory affairs, this is the equivalent of someone announcing a firmware update for toaster ovens. Necessary? Yes. Sexy? No. It’s a “yawn until someone sues” situation.

AST SpaceMobile’s $300M “Not Just a Video Call” Flex

One small FaceTime, one giant leap for PowerPoint slides.

AST SpaceMobile made headlines last year for a 5G satellite phone call that wasn’t terrible. And now? They’re doubling, or tripling, down with a $300 million expansion to produce more of the satellites that made that call happen. Because if there’s one thing the satellite world loves, it’s showing that you can scale one neat trick into a whole constellation.

The company, nestled lovingly next to Midland’s airport-turned-spaceport, plans to build a whole factory of orbital selfie sticks, errr, phased array antennas, meant to beam broadband directly to phones. No dishes, no drama, just you, your iPhone, and a line of sight to low Earth orbit.

Of course, $300M gets you about halfway to a mediocre constellation, but the narrative is strong: from startup darling to industrial-scale space factory. Also, they’ve got Google, AT&T, and Verizon in the background like silent bouncers at a startup rave.

It’s a legitimate play at the D2D crown. And for once, it doesn’t feel like vaporware, just expensive, high-altitude optimism.

The Rest: The Sleepy Side of the Stars

SES and Intelsat are doing the telecom equivalent of “We should totally move in together,” complete with regulatory hesitation and awkward silence over dinner. The European Commission is checking if they’ll turn into a monopoly or just be really boring together.

SES also tried pitching itself as Europe’s answer to Starlink. The EU politely responded, “We’ll think about it,” which is EU-speak for “Email us in Q4.”

Luxembourg is flirting with another GovSat. It’s not launched yet. Or funded. But it does have an acronym. So there’s that.

And finally, earnings season happened. Lots of charts. Lots of EBITDA. Minimal excitement.

Closing Thoughts

Week 18 was like the intermission between epic acts: you’ve got your new players (Kuiper), returning characters (FCC), experimental subplots (Royal Navy’s Starlink binge), and an underdog gearing up for a second act (AST).

Not quite cinematic, but with just enough promise to keep us in our seats. If next week brings anything remotely resembling a spectrum fistfight or a surprise launch, we’ll be here with popcorn, and sarcasm.