In the latest bureaucratic soap opera, Globalstar, a longtime player with a small slice of spectrum and a massive chip on its shoulder, is facing off against SpaceX in a dispute that might as well get ready to rumble.

At the center of this squabble is Globalstar’s petition for U.S. market access to launch its C-3 System, a next-gen deployment that promises cutting-edge mobile satellite services and, more importantly, keeps the 1.6/2.4 GHz spectrum all to itself.

Their argument? That their licensed sliver of sky is not only fully utilized, but the “most successful and well-utilized MSS band” on the market. Never mind that it’s just a few megahertz, they’re treating it like it’s beachfront property in Malibu.

SpaceX, naturally, has entered the scene with its trademark ambition, proposing a system of 7,500 satellites to share that same spectrum. To Globalstar, this is nothing short of an invasion.

They frame SpaceX’s plan as not just technically reckless but physically impossible, invoking the specter of “omnidirectional antennas” that supposedly make peaceful co-frequency sharing a fantasy. According to Globalstar, even physics itself agrees with them.

But Globalstar also wield the laws of bureaucracy with expert flair. Their letter assures the Federal Communication Commission (FCC) that the usual rules about spectrum sharing and public interest reviews shouldn’t apply to them. Why? Because those “operating criteria are unnecessary for Globalstar’s own deployment.”

In other words, the rules are great, just not when they apply to us. Legacy has its privileges, and Globalstar is eager to cash in.

To sweeten the deal, they sprinkle the letter with strategic Apple name-dropping, pointing to their role in supporting “Apple’s transformational direct-to-device features.” The not-so-subtle implication is that messing with Globalstar is essentially messing with Apple, and therefore with America itself.

And now for some legal righteousness, insisting that Globalstar and SpaceX are “not similarly situated.” One has been faithfully operating under existing FCC rules for decades. The other is a brash upstart with no rights to the band and no clear plan for how it won’t disrupt everything in sight.

Globalstar is clearly rattled by SpaceX’s interest in their spectrum sanctuary, and their response is to double down on legacy, legality, and just enough name-dropping to keep things spicy.

And in a final flourish, they ask the FCC to “place this request on public notice,” which is regulatory-speak for “let’s get this fight started.” It’s a classic tale of old guard versus new blood, exclusivity versus expansion, and MHz-hoarding dressed up as concern for the public good.

The FCC, no doubt, will have its hands full mediating this one. But one thing’s for sure: in space, no one can hear you litigate, unless, of course, you file it electronically and CC Marlene Dortch.