In the thrilling saga of business aviation connectivity, we’re witnessing the tech world’s equivalent of a David-and-Goliath face-off, except David forgot to bring a slingshot and Goliath is wearing Tesla merch.

SpaceX Starlink, aka Elon Musk’s side hustle between launching rockets and tweeting, has stormed into the business aviation market with the subtlety of a SpaceX booster reentry. Two years ahead of OneWeb, it’s already racking up installations like it’s giving away free crypto. Thanks to the Muskian cult of personality, Starlink doesn’t even need to explain what it does.

Meanwhile, Eutelsat OneWeb, who? It’s trying the respectable, grown-up route of partnerships with people who actually know what business aviation is. Gogo and Satcom Direct, two industry veterans with serious street cred, have agreed to drag OneWeb into relevance. Galileo is their love child, not even flying yet but already selling line-fit packages. Impressive! Like selling tickets to a Broadway show before they cast the lead.

Starlink’s strategy? Simplicity. One size fits all, literally. A single terminal, no custom options, “take it or leave it” pricing, and support via email (don’t hold your breath). That $100K unlimited plan (is that even still available) ? It’s a steal compared to Geo Ka-band options. Just ignore that bulky hardware on your turboprop, it’s space-age, baby.

OneWeb’s tactic? A full catalog. Small antennas for tiny jets, bigger ones for your billionaire bus (hello BBJ), all sold through VARs who hold the customers’ hands like a concierge at The Ritz, who does hold it very well. Fancy an all-you-can-eat plan with a side of 24/7 tech support? Gogo’s got you. Want bespoke service with your Dom Pérignon? Satcom Direct will probably do your taxes too.

Of course, both strategies have their flaws. Starlink might discover that business jet owners don’t like waiting in a virtual helpdesk queue while trying to stream their kid’s graduation from 40,000 feet. And OneWeb might drown in a VAR swamp, pushing a product through so many layers that no one even remembers who made it.

Meanwhile, looming on the horizon like a Bond villain monologue are Telesat and Amazon Project Kuiper. Telesat plans to launch its Lightspeed network with Viasat whispering sweet nothings into jet operators’ ears. Amazon? They’re ready to sell you inflight Wi-Fi, a pair of socks, and a drone while running your aircraft systems through AWS. That’s not competition, it’s ecosystem domination.

In the end …

Starlink: Everyone’s heard of it. Installation’s fast. Service is cheap. Support is a gamble.
But hey, Musk.

OneWeb: Quiet but lethal. Experienced allies. Better tech support. Flexibility galore.
Zero public recognition.

Gatecrashers: Telesat and Amazon are late, but
they’re bringing the party favors.

So, buckle up for the “Who Can Make Internet in the Sky Less Terrible” competition.