(Upload Speeds Sold Separately)
Somewhere between Bezos’ Mars colony fantasy and Alexa misinterpreting your voice command for the fifth time, Amazon’s Project Kuiper popped up with what it wants you to believe is a major breakthrough: 1 Gbps internet from space. Cue the fireworks, applause, and a round of silence for the missing upload numbers.
Rajeev Badyal, the Kuiper chief, stepped forward to say the tests “speak for themselves.” Naturally, no one was allowed to hear the actual conversation. The download figure is impressive on paper, assuming you are the only user on Earth pulling data from that satellite during the test, and you’re hooked up to an enterprise-grade phased array terminal that probably requires its own power generator and a NASA technician to operate.
