Kepler Communications Inc. has decided that relaying data just isn’t glamorous enough anymore. In a dazzling attempt to be the Amazon Web Services (AWS) of the upper atmosphere, they’re now offering compute in the cosmos. Yes, that’s right, why rent a server in Ohio when you can toss your workload into orbit?

This groundbreaking innovation involves leasing or buying a literal box of circuits that floats above Earth, hosted on satellites that are somehow not just for looking cool but actually do stuff. At least, that’s the idea.

In a bold move of monumental scale, they’ve convinced Axiom Space to buy two … Not two hundred … Two. Apparently, this makes them strategic partners. Next stop: galactic domination.

CEO Mina Mitry promises that this whole floating data center thing will enable “real-time decision making” and “mission autonomy.” Which is PR for: we’re not quite sure what it’s good for yet, but it sounds super sci-fi.

Let’s not forget that the second tranche of satellites, essential to this entire business model, won’t launch until they collect enough space bucks or European Space Agency – ESA goodwill. So for now, we’re looking at nine satellites and a spare. Which in startupland is basically like launching a test website with the hope people will build the internet around you.

But hey, if your dream was to run AI models from orbit while watching Earth burn from the comfort of your private space station, Kepler just gave you hope.

Limited edition.

Batteries not included.